Send Them Both to Their Rooms

Or Why Will Smith and Chris Rock Were Both Totally Wrong

Well, that was quite the display.

Of what, I’m not exactly sure.

By now, everyone in the known universe has seen video of the biggest shock at the Oscars - Will Smith slapping Chris Rock.

Rock told a tasteless joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s baldness. Besides being a “joke” about someone’s appearance, which are never funny, it was especially nasty as Pinkett Smith suffers from an autoimmune disorder which causes her alopecia.

It was also insulting to the millions of women who share the same affliction.

Pinkett Smith has been open about her diagnosis since 2018. She has sought to support other women and to reduce the stigma that tends to accompany hair loss in women. Our hair is fetishized almost as much as our breasts are, and its loss is often accompanied by a loss of self-esteem and a sense of shame.

But - and this is important — Rock’s insult does not excuse Will Smith’s behavior. Physical violence is not OK. Ever. And climbing onstage at the Oscars to bitch-slap the host was beyond the pale.

But just because there is no excuse for Smith’s action does not mean there was no reason. In his memoir, Smith talks candidly about his feelings of inadequacy because he was unable to defend his mother from his father’s abuse. In some twisted way, grown-up Will was defending his family in a way that little-kid Will couldn’t.

But while little-kid Will may have been excused for losing his temper, grown-up Will is not. He could have defended his wife in so many different ways. Someone - a doctor, if memory serves - suggested storming the stage, but instead of slapping Rock, Smith could have grabbed the microphone and educated Rock and the audience about alopecia. Or he could have done what one does when one doesn’t like what a comic says - heckle. Or walk out. That would have made quite a point. And he’d still have received his Best Actor Oscar.

To Smith’s credit, he has apologized. It was a decent apology. But it doesn’t excuse or undo his actions.

Will Smith needs to do some hard work on himself. He needs to understand why he acted as he did. But more important, he must figure out a way to respond to insults and attacks - even on his family - in a constructive, non-violent way.

The impact of this incident on Smith’s career remains to be seen. But one thing is cecertain - his future is up to him.

In the meantime - I’m on Team Jada.